Randy Halprin

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March 2007

Randys Journals

March 01, 2007
Today was a nice day. My friend, David came to visit and we had a great
time. He
s a wonderful friend and I love him dearly. Hes been a great
mentor, also. The day started of kind of crazy. I was afraid our visit was
going to be canceled because there were tornado warnings for the area. I
thought, great, just my luck! Actually if a real tornado hit, I
d probably
be the first screaming
Please! Just suck me up and spit me out over the
gulf somewhere! Fling me to Africa! Anywhere but Livingston, Texas!!!

Anyways, it looked real ugly outside. Fortunately visits were not affected.
The day turned out to be quite warm and lovely, though. As I was walking
back there were some robbine pecking around on the grass alongside of the
fenced side walk that leads back to the death row building. I wish I
could
ve stopped and just watched them for a bit. I really miss the
experience of watching nature and life, work around you. Most of the time I
can watch the birds and other creatures outside of my window, depending on
the spot I
m moved to, but nothing beats being up close and personal.
Another one of those things easily taken for granted.
When I got back to my cell I was pooped, but then it was time to go outside
with my neighbor, we played some ball and I started off with a five game
lead, but he came back and beat me ten to five. Sheesh. I
m blaming the
gus (there were millions of may flies everywhere!) and the fact I had to run
in work boots,
cause I turned my tennis shoes in to order a new pair.
That
s my excuse anyways!
Now I
m just going to kick back and relax and get some sleep early tonight.
Wow. Can
t believe its already March.
Peace.


March 03, 2007
Saturday and no recreation. Too bad, too. It
s a gorgeous day. Perfect
for ball playing. A little chill has settled in, but by all standards,
perfect.
I haven
t done much. Just started reading a book on Buddhism, written by a
Jewish guy. It
s about how Judaism and Buddhism can go hand in hand, and
honestly, I am really into Buddhism right now, trying to find that pure
inner peace. It
s so hard in this environment. And while, I know Ive
grown spiritually and have changed for the better in the way of trying to
live compassionately and lovingly, it still is easy to get caught up in the
negativity and slip into depression. I know most of depression is a
genetics thing and I can
t do much about that, but I think I find that inner
peace, I will beat it back a lot. I tend to get frustrated about the things
I want to do, but can
t because of my situation. I feel helpless, hopeless
at times. To love in a place like this is like a flower trying to sprout
through asphalt on a busy highway.
Maybe a good movie will be on later that I can listen to. I
ll have to
check on that.
Peace.


March 05, 2007
Today was very boring. I had intended on going outside and enjoying this
beautiful spring like weather, but all of the guys down stairs turned down
recreation. Mind you, I stayed up late listening to this wonderful travel
show about Tokyo on PBS until close to 2:00 A.M. I was surprised when the
guard was knocking on my cell door asking if I was ready for recreation at
6:00 A.M. I said,
"What about one row?"
"They all say it‟s too cold to go
outside so, you‟re up" the guard said. For a split second I was going to
get up but then said "Nah, screw it I‟m sleeping in". Now I can really tell
I‟m getting close to 30. I never used to sleep in! Cripes!
I‟ve spend most of the day typing and after dinner I need to straighten up
my cell. When I write I become possessed and my cell looks like crap when I
wind down. Plus, I‟ve got a feeling I‟m moving tonight. Figures, too. A
really good "Heroes" is coming on. Sigh.
I think that‟s about it for the day. Much love and peace!



March 06, 2007
Today has been decent. Right now I
m waiting to go to recreation and do
some exercising. I
m trying to get most of everything out of the way now,
because I know I
ll probably be moved tonight.
I don
t know why, but I was thinking about global warming and the effects
it
s been having on our earth. I read Al Gores An Inconvenient Truth not
too long ago and it was a very eye opening book. The rat of development and
destruction of natural habitats and places is scary. I can remember as a
kid in Arlington, Texas there was an area that was nothing but acres of
pecan trees, we could go anywhere and find a pecan tree and pick the pecans
up and take them home to eat them. Now it
s nothing but shopping centers
and malls. I
m a city person, Ive lived in cities all my life pretty much,
and I like the city, but I look back and think; geeze, the building and
raping of the land has to stop somewhere. Will there ever be a time where
it all peaks and we realize, hey, maybe we should tear all this crap down
and let nature do it
s thing again? Or will it take mother nature to strike
back and wake us up? Who knows.. I see earth in a weird way now, it
s like
a spaceship or an orb with life contained within. We can take care of it
and steer it in the right way or let it crash and burn.
Not much else has been going on around here. I seem to be in a sort of
uneventful limbo of late.
Peace.



March 07, 2007
They did move me last night. I
m not in too bad an area, though, the
section is pretty run down. Very poorly kept. I
ve got decent cell
neighbors, though. I don
t have a whole lot on my mind today, but just a
little while ago I received some Christian ministry newsletter. I usually
just glance over them and toss them out, because most are full of stuff
like,
Better ask for forgiveness now or youre going to BURN in the firey
pits of hell..
this one contained a few really beautiful poems from an
anonymous guy on Texas Death Row, so I wanted to include it with today
s
entry. Here it is:
Morning Sun By anonymous man on death row..
This morning
while on death row
I had a wondrous experience
of nothing so uncommon as joy,
a shower with hot water, steam and soap;
in that small space
-the showers scarcely larger than a closet
I thought of nothing
so common as suffering
and stood instead in awe
of the abundance of God.
afterwards, I stood before the plain
steel door, rusted to a brownish-black,
and marveled at the spary of water drops
which shone like the suns
scattered along the surface
of our universe-
and there!
an errant trickle slipped away
like a falling star,
a comet made of dust and ice
throwing itself into the heart
of the night.
I wondered,
"What is this
darkness that shrouds our eyes
from the glorious dawn and
the light that shines
in our lives?

There is nothing so common as the suffering;
and nothing so uncommon as the morning sun

which we manage to miss each morning
of our life.
Next time, please,
stand at the brink of dawn,
and watch it
for me.
Not bad at all. Loved the imagery and emotion. He described our showers
exactly as they are and the desire to want more, but to trust in what God
gives us.
Peace.


March 08, 2007
Just got back from seeing my attorney. First, I have to describe what an
absolute gorgeous day it is! It was warm and bright, I
m going to get
cliched here, but man the birds were chirping and hopping around the green
grass growing within the barbed wire fences. Patches of clovers and wild
flowers were growing all over the prison ground. I could even smell honey
suckles on the wind. It brought a smile to my face.
When I arrived at the visitation building, I went in and was told to go to a
booth. I had the handcuffs removed and my lawyer showed up. Things are
going well. One of my co-defendants signed an affidavit saying I was not a
shooter and I was told that another one of my co-defendants was willing to
sign one on my behalf, also. The only sad note is that the latter
co-defendant is dropping all his appeals and there
s no talking him out of
it. This means he will be given an execution date any moment. Then he will
have about three months left to his life. I asked my lawyer what his
demeanor was like and he said that he really seemed to be at peace. I was
happy to hear that.
When I was leaving to go back to the death row building, I stopped and told
the guard,
Hold on, let me enjoy the scent of these honey suckles. Oh
man, the many things we take for granted in a normal everyday life. It made
me wish I could run around on the clovers and grass bare footed! It brought
back a memory of being in high school.. I used to be really good at picking
out four leaf clovers from a patch and I would give them to my girlfriend.
Haha. I was such a dork!
So, all in all.. Today was lovely.
Peace.


March 09, 2007
It´s Friday and I really haven´t done much today. I got into it with a
guard this morning. I´m not a very deep sleeper and can be awoken very
easily. Plus, I´ve preprogrammed myself to wake up at six in the morning to
tell the guards I do plan on going to recreation, that way they can´t say
you said "No" in your sleep, as they tend to do, to get over on people. So,
at about 6:45 A.M. the guard says, "You ready? If not you refuse
recreation." I looked at him and said, "Say, you didn´t ask me crap." I
just out of bed and he says, "Well, yes I did. You better get ready now."
The guard replied. Then his co-worker chimed in, "C´mon, let´s refuse him.
He ain´t ready." So, I say, "I´m telling you right now, you´re not going to
take my recreation from me. Y´all didn´t ask me to get ready or if I was
going. Give me ten minutes to brush my teeth and wash my face. Jesus.."
"I´ll be back in five minutes if you´re not ready, I´m refusing you." I did
get my recreation, but geeze, some of the crap one goes through!
The day did get better, but I know it´s going to be one long weekend! I´ve
got so much to do.. Ugh. I´ll close now.
Peace.


March 11, 2007
I didn
t accomplish crap yesterday. Just sat in bed and wallowed in my own
self pity. Now I
m playing catch up as I listen to KDOL. I dont know, it
just seems at times I don
t want to do anything other then stare at a blank
wall and watch the paint fall off (it literally does at times! In flecks..)
What
s odd about it is, I wont be thinking of anything. My mind will be
blank. It
s like watching T.V. with static. White noise.
Good thing I woke up energized and ready to go. I hopped out of bed,
started exercising and then did all of my laundry. Weekends really stink.
I miss the days when we could actually go to recreation on Sundays. Bah.
Hey, just had some sunshine from a great call. Haha.. She said a friend of
my ex contacted her. Okay, that bothers me a little bit, but I have no
secrets or nothing to hide so.. I just hope it
s not one of those smear
campaigns. Oh well.. People are nosey.
Guess I
ll wrap this up for the day and get it ready to send it out. Peace
to all and here
s to a good week.
Peace.


March 12, 2007
7:56 P.M. I just came in from being outside for 3 hours. I goofed around
and played some ball, I had to play bare foot, which lead to all sorts of
craziness. I even managed to take a direct hit in the nuts. Talk about
some unpleasantness! I fell down rolling around on the cement after my
basket ball ricoched off the wall and.. wham. The guy I was outside with
said, "Good thing you don´t need „em anymore". I said "bull crap!" I like
to know that these puppies are still in good shape." We both laughed
hysterically. Oh, and I lost today. I´m losing my mojo….I really need my
new tennis shoes.
So, I heard that Doil Lane, a guy I´ve mentioned in prior entries and his
mental capacities. He was like a kid trapped in a mans body…Well, he
received a sentence commute to a life sentence. Thank God. He´s been
transferred from death row and into general population. I hope he´ll be
okay. He needs to be in protective custody, in my opinion. I hope people
will pray he´ll end up okay.
Not much else happened today. I´m waiting on my shower.. Peace!


March 13, 2007
Man.. I just got done listening to a very powerful program on the radio about
a guy who was just killed by the state, Joseph Nichols. It brought tears to
my eyes and I want to get the audio posted, but until then I highly suggest
going to the web site kpft.org.. Check out the archives for the show
Earth
101
and the date 3/13/07 a very powerful program indeed. They were
interviewing his family and brother and it just really hit me hard.
Today is kind of blah.. It
s raining and I know Im going to be moved. I
really don
t have a lot to say today. Just wanted to inform people of the
show I listened to.
Peace.


March 14, 2007
Another rainy day and I
m in a new cell. I dont know what happened, but
right before I was moved, the ceiling in the cell I was previously in
started to leak like crazy. Man, everything was soaked and I had to pack up
my things, so I couldn
t let it all dry until I got to my new cell.
When I got to my new cell it was a pig sty. Really nasty. Boogers on the
wall, dust balls, spilled coffee on the floor, trash.. I about had a panic
attack it was so dirty. I spent until around 1:00 A.M. just cleaning and
then I had to unpack and clean myself up.
I got back up at six for recreation and had every intentions of exercising,
but was way too tired. I just walked around in circles. Now, it
s very
loud and hard to concentrate. I don
t think I like where Im at. Haha.
Not much else is going on. I
m going to start reading later on and maybe do
a little exercising to work off this building aggravation I
m beginning to
feel. I want to write a little bit on my opinion of how the Texas State
Legislature is trying to expand those who would be illegible for the death
penalty, but I
ll save that for another day. Its really sickening what
these red neck yahoos are trying to do. I think if the majority of Texas
congress people had their way, they
d execute you for jay walking.
Anyways..
Peace.


March 15, 2007
Thursday and it
s raining which completely sucks. I cant say I ve done a
whole lot today. Haha.. I can
t say I do a whole bunch any day. Im in a
small cell. What can I do? I
m being an ass. I feel ass-y for some
reason. Probably because I feel like a fat ass. I think I
ve gained ten
pounds and I hate it. I can
t put down the junk food. A friend had an
interesting theory as to why- He said, maybe it
s because I dont get much
on my normal tray (just beans and such) and so I tend to over eat on the
junk food. It makes sense. I must admit being burned out on the same tray
everyday. I won
t go back on my vegetarianism, but I have to find something
better to eat.
I
ve just been reading, thats about it. Lot s of reading and eating. I
need to FORCE myself to exercise. My excuse lately is I don
t have the
right shoes and my bad foot hurts too much without them, but I know I can do
other things like push-ups and such. So why don
t I? Good questionsloth.
Craziness..
Peace.


March 16, 2007
The sun is out and bright. Dinner just arrived in it
s heated cart and Im
so excited to eat my beans. Mmmm. Yummy. I went outside early this
morning and walked around a bit. There were beetles all over the recreation
yard. Like a plague. I
m not a fan of bugs; Beatles the band just fine,
beetles the bug, nuh uh. There were also some freakish mutant may flies the
size of my hand flying around. The guy I was outside with asked why there
were so many bugs collected in the recreation area and so I gave him a
lesson in ecology. See, birds used to fly onto the yard to roost; it was
ideal because of all the bars used for perching. They would feed off of the
bugs and offer a balance to the ecosystem, so to speak. The only down side
to this was they would crap everywhere. On the bars, on the basketball
goal, on the cement. It was very nasty. Naturally, all of us inmates
complained about having to recreate in all of the muck. So, after many
years of arguing, they finally laid netting over the top, keeping the birds
at bay and ending the era of bird crap forever. However, there were no
birds to eat the bugs and so now the system is out of whack and the bugs
RULE. So the choice is: Bird shit or bugs. I
ll deal with the bugs. So
long as there aren
t too many spiders. If theres a lot of spiders this
summer (we get many brown recluses and black widows in east Texas.) they are
GOING DOWN!! Hey, I love life and I really don
t like killing bugs any
more, but my tolerance for spiders is not very high. Not after what I
ve
seen them do to guys back here and the piss sorry medical care they got in
return for their bites. One guys bite from a brown recluse rotted his flesh
down to BONE before he got any serious medical attention.
Just had dinner. At least the peanut butter and jelly sandwich was loaded.
It was pretty good. Burrrp!
About time for me to put on the BBC world news. Guess I
ll close here.
Peace.


March 17, 2007
Saturdays are always the most boring and while I didn‟t accomplish anything
and was pretty darned lazy, I did mange to have a bit of drama just a few
minutes ago.
What happened, was that I send a guy some cards that I didn‟t really want
and told him he could have them for free. I put them in a large envelope
and had a guy pass them to him. Well, somewhere along the way someone else
put a note in there that was intended for the same person my cards were
going to along in the large envelope. Well, the note had no name signed to
it so when the guy got my cards, he assumed I sent it also. Next think I
know I‟m getting a response note cussing me out! Something about how I told
him I‟d do it for free and he didn‟t owe me shit, so go screw myself back
stabbing sonofabitch.. I was like, "WHAT???" I wrote him another note
saying, "Hey, what are you talking about? I did say they were free and I
stuck to that!" He sends me the note that was placed with my stuff and so I
tell him "This isn‟t even my handwriting! Someone mixed up notes.. I expect
an apology"
Confused yet? Well, long story short, we found out what happened and found
out where the note came from and the guy I gave my cards to apologized.
This is my life.. It‟s a good thing (I) don‟t have a short temper or get
angry easily, with other people I‟m sure it could have spun out of control
quickly. I should be a diplomat. I bet I could do a better job that the
folks Bush has in place : )
Peace.


March 18, 2007
Sunday.. I´m smiling so big right now, „cause I got official word that
someone wonderful will be seeing me in April. WOOHOO!!! I can´t wait.
Man, I really need to kick up my exercises. I´ve got almost four weeks. I
think I can lost at least five pounds.. Man.. I´m like on cloud nine right
now.
Not doing much today. Just listening to KDOL and getting things finished
for the mail. I think I´m going to do some pushups as soon as I finish a
letter to my favorite Hawaiian : )
Peace.



March 19, 2007
I‟m sitting here listening to a re-broadcast of "This American Life" and
they‟re playing a song from this band "Mates Of State" I really like it.
Speaking of music last night was pure bliss for me.
I had been channel surfing, looking for something worth listening to.
Usually at ten P.M. I‟ll listen to the news, but these days I just can‟t- it
pretty much disgusts me with the level of bias and dour gloom and doom.
After about the third bad story I changed it.. I landed on a station that was
celebrating thirty years of music from the group "U2". I was like,
"What!?!?!!" Two hours straight of U2 songs I hadn‟t heard in years. I was
completely engulfed in old memories.
I used to be fanatical about the band. It‟s funny, because every now and
then I‟ll get an email from a person who I roomed with in private school and
the first thing they ask is, "Are you the Randy who loved U2?" That‟s my
junior high legacy! It was late ninth grade that falling in love with the
music of The Cure replaced my love for U2. I put the band on the back
burner and while I would always enjoy all U2 music after that point, I would
tend to push it aside like a little brother. Last night I realized how damn
good the music was and how hearing that anthology of them rekindled that
young love I had of the group. Now, no group will ever knock The Cure off
of their pedestal with me, but I see both groups as representing two parts
of my life. Two distinct eras in my past.
As I was lost in the music I was also stricken with a certain panic. I
though "Crap.. What if the after life has no music. It might as well be hell
then!" I can‟t fathom an existence without music or love, but man, no music?
That‟s like taking one of the greatest gifts God has given us away.
That‟s a scary thought.
Now much of else has been going on. Today was a no recreation day so I
slept in. It felt good to catch up on sleep. Oh, I had the craziest dream
this morning. After I came back from my shower I crawled back into bed and
suddenly I was dreaming about lawn mowing! How weird is that? After I
mowed the lawn I was using a weed whacker and trimming the weeds and grass
that had grown along the edge of our house and side walk. I wonder what
that meant?
Peace.


March 25, 2007
It
s Sunday and I can walk, praise the lord its a miracle! You re probably
wondering what in the world I
m talking about? Heres the story;
Monday afternoon I had done my exercises. I was charged up and feeling
good. I was working out hard, then decided to do some squats. Lots of them
until my legs couldn
t take it anymore. I rinsed off and took a nap. I
noticed a growing soreness in my lower back when I awoke. I just passed it
off to the exercises from earlier. Well, by late that night, I had sharp
pains shooting up and down my back. I went to sleep and had every
intentions of going to recreation that morning, but I couldn
t walk. I was
literally crawling on hands and knees and every attempt to stand would only
bring pain. My back felt like it was one big Charlie horse.
That night I was told to pack up, that I was being moved. It took me an
hour to pack my things from the pain. When the guards came to move me I
told them I couldn
t walk and I needed a wheel chair. It took a little
persuading, but I was moved. When I got to the new cell, I didn
t even
bother fully un-packing or sanitizing it. I just crawled into bed and
that
s where I stayed until Saturday; the first time I could actually move
around.
I
m still a little sore, but its nice not to be cooped up in bed. It s one
thing to be depressed and lay in bed not wanting to do much, but being in
pain and not even being able to go to the bathroom because of said pain?
Sheesh. Now, I have to play catch up.
Well, not much else to report on.
Peace.


March 26, 2007
Glorious Monday! Actually, it didn‟t start out so glorious…My damn dial on
my radio broke and I had to jerry rig and fix it which was a great big pain
in the buttocks. Everything is fine now, but it‟s such a hassle to have to
improvise when you don‟t have the right tools to properly fix something.
Then you have to rely on prison ingenuity.
Well, to make up for the lack of journal entries due to my back problem
(which is much better now. A little tender, but way better!) I thought I‟d
share my experiences of first entering into prison. I haven‟t written much
about when I was in general population. I‟m not really sure as to why I
haven‟t. Really, it‟s like those years don‟t even exist unless I really
want to think about them. It‟s like a white canvass in my head with little
flickers and specks of color splattered across. Really strange.
I was nineteen years old. I‟d been in county jail for over nine months.
All of the inmates from county jail told me different stores of what it‟d be
like. I was told it‟d be hard for me because I was young, Jewish and decent
looking. However, if I stood my ground and didn‟t let anyone push me
around, I‟d be okay. One guy said, "All you have to do is punch the first
big black dude you see in the mouth and people will see you have heart." I
thought to myself, „okay, mental note- don‟t listen to this jack ass he‟s
going to get you killed!‟
Some said prison was better than county jail. I could go outside, I would
eat better, I‟d be able to have a job. I could work my way up the chain.
Most said, just stay away from the bullshit and keep away from the crap and
I‟d be okay. I took most of this advice to heart.
To say I was scared when they, the Tarrant County guards said I was on the
bus to go to prison was an understatement. I was terrified. Other than my
drug experiences a little bit of time in homeless shelters, I had no street
knowledge, and while I could lie and manipulate my way into and out of
things, I didn‟t consider myself to have a criminal mentality. How would I
survive amongst hardened criminals?
All of the county jail inmates that were going to prison were escorted to a
large holding area. Our tan uniforms were taken from us and we waited in
that crowded cold room for an hour. Then, two men in grey and blue uniforms
with patches on their arms that read, "TDCJ ID Corrections" showed up and
started barking orders to get dressed in the white uniforms they threw to
us. A few men complained the white prison garb didn‟t fit. The guard
barked back, "I don‟t give a rats ass. I ain‟t your momma and I ain‟t gonna
treat you like your momma. Make it fit." I had a really smart mouth back
in those days and I could be very sarcastic, so I prayed that none of the
guards tried saying something to me.
They lead us two by two, in which they then shackled us by legs and feet to
the person we stood next to. We were loaded on a white bus that was caged
and chicken wired. Inside the bus stood a man with a shot gun pointed at us
all.
The bus ride wasn‟t too, uncomfortable. If either me or the guy I was
shackled to had to use the toilet (a toilet was bolted down inside the bus,
where a seat might have been..) we both had to go together, while one of us
turned our head.
We arrived in Tennessee Colony, about an hour and a half away from Dallas,
Texas. I don‟t think I‟d ever been in a more redneck area in my life. When
we got off the bus and the shackles were removed guards came from everywhere
screaming and yelling, calling us faggots, dick suckers, pieces of shit,
sorry ass inmates. We were told to get naked and then ordered to get tight
against the man in front of us. One guy refused and a guard grabbed his arm
and forced him to the ground yelling obscenities. It was warm outside, but
I was cold with humiliation and fear. My whole body was shaking. I had an
image of the movie "Schindlers List" playing in my mind.
We were lead in a single file line inside. Once inside more guards started
to shout orders and pointing in the direction of inmates dressed in white
uniforms holding hair clippers. They shaved all our hair off and then
handed us a razor where another guard told us to dry shave. Once we were
shaven we were walked to a shower area and told to rinse off.
After we did all of this we could get dressed, we were issued black work
boots and a mattress with linen. We were then told to wait for housing
assignments.
Now, I didn‟t know this at the time, but I was only on a transfer unit.
This could be a living place for a day or for two years, while the „real‟
prisons waited for bed openings. Then, I would be classified to a normal
prison unit.
The buildings of the transfer unit were all aluminum. Hot very hot.
Cramped. I felt like I was on a chicken farm. We were told that everywhere
we went our hands were to be behind our back. If they weren‟t, they‟d
consider this an act of hostility and we would have our ass kicked. When we
went to eat we had five minutes to cram food down. I kept thinking, „I‟m
not going to like this at all.‟
One thing that stood out was the amount of racism there was. While in
county jail, most of the white blacks and Mexicans got along, but this was a
different world indeed. I kept noticing white guys with swastikas (a nazi
symbol) tattooed on their necks, arms etc. I‟d hear black guys calling
white people "white boys" and "Pink ass mother fuckas" I was raised in a
family that taught unity and tolerance, so this was all very new to me. I‟d
seen a little racism in Kentucky, but nothing to this extent.
I wasn‟t sure if letting people know I was Jewish at this point was a good
idea, so I kept it under wraps. I would never deny it, but I was worried it
might become a problem.
I spent a month at this particular facility and then was transferred to
another facility in Bonham, Texas. This environment was a little better and
I ended up having some real good jobs. I was trying to make my way up the
chain, but I still wasn‟t in a „real‟ prison. I was told by older convicts
that the transfer units were like kiddie camps. I hadn‟t seen and big
fights and I had only one incident where a guy tried to force me out of my
seat and we scuffled, but nothing major. I hadn‟t even been, "Checked" yet,
a process where a guy comes up to you to see if you‟re going to fight for
yourself or not. I spent two years in Bonham.
Before I was finally moved to a real prison, I spend another month at the
"Diagnostics" unit, then another month at another facility and finally
shipped to be with the big boys.
When I learned I was going to Conally Unit, some of the guys traveling on
the bus with me would say, "Holy shit! What the hell did you do? That‟s
the hardest prison in Texas." It had a very scary reputation of guards and
inmates being attacked. When we arrived we went through much of the
ridicule and humility as the first facility.
I didn‟t get an actual cell until later that evening and when I entered the
pod, I was stared at like I was a delicious pork chop. I was carrying my
mattress and small bag of property to the cell door, when a white guy
covered in tattoos approaches me with a menacing glare. I dropped my stuff
quickly and balled up my fists. "Hey, pecker wood, I ain‟t here to fight
you man. Chill out. You came to a good pod. Ain‟t no problems here.
Chill out." I was still leery, but he offered his hand and I shook it.
"They call me Scratch." The tattooed guy said. "Randy."
"Well, alright, get settled in and I‟ll lace you up with all that goes down
here. Where you going to work? It should say on your housing slip."
"I think the fields. Are they bad here?" I said.
"Nah. You‟ll do three months tops, then you can ask for a new job. They
rarely go out anyways. Too fuckin‟ hot. Go get settled in and come talk to
us pecker woods when you get finished up."
It didn‟t take too long, as I didn‟t even have much property back then. I
left the cell and joined the group of white guys sitting on some stair that
went up to the second and third rows. A big white guy they called "Ox" came
up to me, "You down?"
"Yeah. I‟m down" I replied.
"Well, as much as I want to believe you, I need to know if you‟ve got punk
in you. You look friendly to me."
"I‟m not gay."
"Catch the shower then." He said, calling me out to fight.
I entered the small shower and suddenly me and him were exchanging blows.
It felt like we were fighting forever, but it was only a few seconds. I
came out with a busted lip and he was smiling, "He‟s solid." He told the
other guys. I had earned their „respect‟.
Well, there‟s a lot of little stories in between this one, but I‟ll save it
for another day. I don‟t know why I felt like sharing that in this. Haha.
Peace.


March 27, 2007
Well, this is kind of odd.. I was moved about an hour ago to C-pod. I keep
getting moved from C-pod to D-pod, back and forth. Ive not really been on
any other pods since I‟ve written about the things I‟ve seen going on on
them. I think they may intentionally be keeping me away from those pods.
It‟s a conspiracy! Sorry bastards..
Not much has been going on today. I went outside right after a big rain
storm and there were a lot of dead drowned beetles. I kind of felt bad for
the little fellas. Man, I have really changed.. Feeling sorry for some
rotten bugs! Haha.
Oh, I should write about the little incident that happened the night before.
There‟s this real nasty lady named Ms. Nettles. Personally, I think she
suffers from a mental illness because she‟ll walk down the runs singing
hymnal songs saying, "Praise Jesus!" and then she‟ll cuss you out five
seconds later. Actually she reminds me of the lady who plays Sissy Spaceks
mom in the horror movie "Carrie". So, as I was out at recreation, they
moved on of my friends onto the pod. Apparently the cell they tried to move
him to was damaged and so the other inmates were warning him no to go into
the cell. I start yelling, "Hey! Don‟t go in the cell!" along with
everyone else. Ms. Nettles comes out of nowhere screaming and hollering,
"Hey you mother fucker! You trying to start shit?" I said, "Hey, I‟m not
going to let you screw us over. The damn cell is broken you can‟t put him
in the cell." I swear, she walks up to the bars like a rabid dog and is
screaming and yelling gibberish. The only thing I could make out was, "If
you start shit, I‟m gonna finish it!" I found it kind of comical.
Just another day in this hell hole.
Peace.


March 28, 2007
Today I
ve felt kind of sluggish. I didnt get to sleep until about two
A.M. and then got back up about seven in the morning. I had planned on
exercising but my back is still a little tender and I
m afraid Im going to
mess it up. Instead, I just stayed in bed listening to the radio. I
finally got up at lunch time and drank some coffee. Anything to get
motivated. Futile in my attempt. I guess it
s just one of those days.
There
s nothing to do really other than read. Ill probably have to force
myself to do that. I haven
t read anything really really good in a while.
Most of everything has just been okay.
Nothing really on my mind.
Peace.


March 29, 2007
Today I finally received my tennis shoes. Now I‟m ready to start playing
some ball. I‟ve got my first game lined up for the season tomorrow. I‟ll
be playing my neighbor tomorrow morning. He‟s one of the best around and I
know he‟s going to run my butt into the ground. I need the run though. I
figure it will amp me up and get me in the mood to really start exercising.
Let‟s just hope I don‟t hurt my back..
It‟s a nice warm day today. They‟ve got cool air coming from the vents.
It‟s hard to not give into the temptation of just sleeping the rest of the
afternoon away. It was funny, „cause a nurse was coming through earlier
passing out meds to certain guys and one of them was asleep. She makes a
snotty comment about how she wishes she could just „sleep her life away‟, so
another inmate said, "Geeze lady, it‟s not like we can go take a job in the
park." Yep. Life in prison.
There have been two scheduled executions for this week and I think from here
on out there will probably have one or two each week. I heard that all of A
section and B-section on A-pod, where they keep "Death Watch" have been
filled up with people with executions dates. It‟s crazy. Especially with
as many problems that have cropped up in our system, and other states
re-evaluating the death penalty, Texas refuses to slow down. I think the
mentality is, "Get as many as we can before we get shut down.." Heck, if
they could just take us out of our cell one by one and shoot us on the spot,
it‟d already have happened. And most of the citizens of Texas would support
it. Nuts.
Peace.


March 30, 2007
Friday. I went outside at six this morning, but didn
t get to play any
ball. My neighbor pretty much screwed me and asked to go out with someone
else. I was pumped up and ready to play. I was quite perturbed, I admit.
Oh well.
It did ruin my day, left me down in the dumps, but why cry over spilled
milk?
I wish I had something to write about, but it
s been very uneventful. I
figure it I wrote something more would come out, but I
m blank..
Peace.


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