September 20, 2005
Today Mary should have come down to see me, but on Sunday listening to the shout out show she called in and told me that she wouldn't be able to come down this week. And while I know the reasons, why she can't come, it still breaks my heart, because things with us are so fragile right now. It's difficult to watch the woman you love -
I understand how she feels, and while I wish I could be selfish and play the "What about me?" card, I'm not that person. I'm not the person who will hold my situation over her head. I just can't. I've seen so many guys say, "Well, if you leave me, I'll drop my ap-
September 21, 2005
It's Wednesday morning and I just had my morning cup of coffee. Sun light is seeping into my cell. Here in a second I will be going to recreation. I'll exercise the whole hour. Today is my lower body work out. I don't know why but I always hate doing these exer-
I just got a denial of mail from the mail room, this one from a friend who is a writer. He is sharing his work on a novel; he's writing with me and I've been following his every change. Well, this is the first time the mail room has denied a big envelope of his calling it a "Publication"; it's not even published yet, so I don't know how they can do that. Crazy. It seems that lately they've gone into over drive on censorship. If one thing irks me more than anything it's censorship. Especially since I'm a very opinionated person. But they will do what they do and nobody can do much about it in here. You would think that common sense would prevail every now and then, but it's a very rare thing around here.
It's now 10:00 a.m. and I've just come back from recreation. I had very good exercise and worked out some of my frustration and heart ache. I'll be good for a few hours. Until I start looking at pictures and all of that
Lunch time. Gotta go.
Well, it's now afternoon time. I've been waiting on my shower and just thinking about why I fear dying alone, with out love.
I know that it stems from my childhood and experiences as teenager. Being adopted and then sent off to boarding school and then all that followed after that… Not a pretty expe-
First, the change of being taken away from a family who beat you as a child, who would say they love you and then push you down stairs, or out a window or knock your tooth out. Then going into a foster home. Then another foster home and then another -
Random Thoughts: If you say we are soul mates, then why say that this life is too hard… Aren't you admitting we're not soul mates after all?
Will I ever find my "soul mate"? Do soul mate even exist? Is there a person whom each of us is connected to somewhere in this life?
I used to be a quitter, but now I've come to dislike quitters because a quitte takes too many things for granted. A quitter assumes that there will always be a next time and a next and a next…
September 22, 2005
Another crazy day. Right now I'm listening to report after report of hurricane Rita. It's going to be hitting the Gulf coast and Houston pretty soon, some time around tomorrow. Here in Livingston, Texas we might be getting some of the hurricane. They locked the unit down, meaning we cannot leave our cells for any reason except medical purposes. I'm not even sure if they're running visits today. Then, the just moved about 800 in-
We usually get lunch around 9:30 in the morning, but it's almost 2 now and still have had nothing to eat. I don't usually complain about the food and all of that, but man, I'm hungry. We get breakfast around 2 or 3 in the morning -
Really all I've been doing today is sitting and thinking of how I'm going to adjust, should Mary and I split. There's a song by Stevie Nicks, called "LandSlide". The chorus goes, "I've been 'fraid of changing cause I built my life around you
Hey, lunch is here! Yea! I never thought I'd be so happy to recieve some of this fine pris-