September 01, 2006
We were finally served real cases -
Today was BORING. I didn't feel like doing squat. I was so depressed I just laid in bed and wished for the world to end (maybe it has and I'm just in purgatory). It's a holiday weekend so it's going to be super boring. I'm going to force myself to read/stay as busy as possible, but when you're as depressed as I am right now, it becomes very difficult. I almost didn't write a journal entry today. Not that what I'm writing right now is very spectacular or interesting.
And so I scream to the heavens, WHY GOD WHY?!?!?!
I wish I could join those horses across the field from this prison.
September 11, 2006
I'm sorry I have not written an entry in about a week or so… Last week was kind of hard on me and I got really depressed. I couldn't really write anything at all. This whole situa-
My day started to the smell of riot gas in the morning. A guy over on level 3 refused to come in from outside. So, they gassed him and dragged him. Once that happened, they did not allow the level 3 guys recreation and so they started some fires and flooded the walk ways by stopping up their toilets and sinks. It was so foggy with smoke throughout the pod. Madness ensued
I then went outside in hopes of playing some basketball. Well, when we got outside the rec yard was still covered in a white film of riot gas. We couldn't play 'cause every time you would bounce the ball, the gas would fly up in our faces causing us to sneeze a lot. Our skin had a mild burning sensation to it also.
I spent most of the day reading and anticipating my mail. I'm reading a really good book right now called Ghost Road Blues by Jonathan Maberry. It's a thriller/harder book and it's some of the best writing in this genre I'm read in a long time. A very tightly woven story with plenty of suspense's. Right now it's like a run away fright train. I had trouble putting it down. It's supposed to be the first book in a trilogy. I can't wait for the next ones.
So let's see so far I've read… The Taking by Dean Koontz (crappy hog wash ending) Pan-
Finally mail came and I got plenty of love =) But two things touched me most; a post card from the author/artist Jeffrey Brown -
I suppose on that note I will get ready for bed and close this up. Peace and love =)
September 12, 2006
It rained last night. It felt good to hear the pitter patter sound of the drops smack against the window. Too bad there was no thunder.
I woke up this morning and began to write. Right now it's 1:50 p.m. and I was waiting to go outside, but that fell through and I'm going to go to B-
I wish I had something to say, but I'm kind of drawing a blank. I just wanted to say that I'm okay and trying to hold my head up. It gets hard at times, more difficult than you could ever realize. You get tired, feel drained, but
I didn't intend on this being depressing so I will close this up. Maybe my writing will get better. I never expected that being on level 2 would have me feeling like this. I thought maybe my writing would be a little more inspiring. Guess I was wrong … Peace.
September 13, 2006
"Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me…happy birthday to meeeee. Happy birth-
Geeze. I´m 29. At the door step of 30. I`m practically bald, got hair everywhere else on my body …yet, somehow I still feel trapped in 1996. Crazy.
I thought I`d be depressed, but really I`m not. I` ve kept pretty busy today. Did some cross word puzzles, wrote a little, straightened out my cell, gave away some books that I read and were taking up space. And it`s a beautiful day outside. It doesn’t even feel like we hit 90 degrees. Come on autumn. Please…let us have a normal autumn this year.
Things have been relatively calm today. I`m happy for that. It seems the past few weeks have been filled with so much chaos and unrest. I haven`t been on a normal pod, now in over a month so I don`t know what the moral is like there. Most people on the discipline pod feed off of the madness. I wish I could study guys down here; talk to them, figure out what kind of background they come from. The thing that bothers me the most is see-
For example, there`s a black man they just moved to this section a few nights ago. Truly troubled. He`s not aggressive, not violent. He has a mental disorder and is incapable at this point to take care of his own hygiene. He can’t clean up after himself and never cleaned his cell. So, what do they do? Write him a case for being dirty. And then, the "psych department" allows for the case to go through instead of explaining to the guards, "uh hey…he`s kind of out there and can`t take care of himself." I mean shit, they guy is so doped up he can barely talk as it is.
To me this is just barbaric treatment. I’ll take my unfair punishment, but let this guy go back to level 1.
Dinner was alright. We basically had breakfast; pancakes, oatmeal, applesauce and ce-
Right now I`m waiting to see if I’ll be moved to another cell. I kind of hope I do.
Well, guess I’ll stop here for the day. I just started a political book by P. J. O’Rourke called Parliament Of Whores. It’s about the U.S. government. Should be interesting.
As ever…Peace and oh yeah, happy birthday to me =)
September 15, 2006
Ah. Another day in purgatory. Gotta love it! (Can you tell I’m being sarcastic??) No, se-
It’s 7:34 p.m. right now and the sun is setting. Not a very spectacular sunset, either. Most of the sky is a navy blue, except for a small slash of neon orange across the hori-
I was moved to 38 cell last night. I’m still on E-
I was talking to someone over here who said they talked to a lieutenant and the lieute-
Oh! I got my ‘happy birthday’ comments and such and I wanted to tahnk everyone who wished me a happy birthday. I know it’s not much, but with me it’s the small things that matter and so they become BIG things to me. You don ?t really ‘know’ me see yet still, you have the kind hearts to wish a stranger a happy birthday. Thank you.
Hmmm…not much else going on around here. Just waiting on the mail now. I really don’t expect much, but who knows?
Peace and bless you all.
September 17, 2006
A boring weekend has finally come to a finish. I’m sitting here with a damp sheet hang-
I wish I had something to write about, but I’m having writer block again and I’ll just ramble on and on about nothing -
I know, I suck. Don’t remind me =)
September 18, 2006
I've been running all day today. A little humid, but not all too uncomfortable.
My Attorney stopped by today. Really, he had to talk to someone else and pulled me out to buy me lunch. I had a salad, a bag of Funyuns, and soda. He basically told me my appeals are still on hold and will be until after the first of January …I'm not complaining.
I got up about 6 a.m. this morning, went to recreation and jogged for a little bit, then came back in to read. I really haven't done a whole lot else.
I was thinking about a comment someone sent to me in response to something I wrote about how I said those who talk about being anti-
I think everyone does their part in their own way. Whether it's rallies, or sending out newsletters. That's great and awesome and most of us back here on Death Row are al-
A friend recently told me that our society is more re-
Anyways, my point is every little bit counts, so do what you can-
September 20, 2006
Hmmm…writers block really sucks. I swear, I need to get motivated here. I think my middle name has become "Sloth" 'cause all I want to do is read, eat, crap and sleep. I know …very pathetic.
Well, things have still been pretty uneventful. I'm reading a sci-
I went outside and it was kind of chilly this morning. I was so happy! You have to un-
I'm guessing my journal is back up and running now that Josef, my friend and webmas-
Okay. Okay. Okay
Well, it's time for me to get back to being slothful so
Peace and Love
September 24, 2006
It's a cool rainy Sunday. My window view stinks to high heaven. So I can't really see what it looks like outside. My view consists of the concrete back side of another pod and a slash of gray and white hanging above that. Kind of depressing, to be honest.
I'm anticipating tomorrow and the big "review date" of whether I'm going to be (unfairly; collectively) punished for another 60 days or not. I'm trying to not dwell on the possi-
Over here, anytime you leave your cell for recreation or a shower or even to receive a food tray a sergeant or ranking official has to be present. It kind of sucks. It's not as loud as I figured it might be so I deal with it. I'm still writing a grievance though.
I thought I'd share this crazy thing I have with certain foods. I think I've shared my ab-
If a vegetable or food resembles anything that once was a slimy creature, lets say a slug or maybe an insect, I cannot eat it. And when I used to eat meat; if I could imagine what animal once was in its lively state, I couldn't eat it …I'll give an example.
Now, mushrooms are pretty tasty, right? They're good in certain soups and foods like pizza, but you know how when you sauté a mushroom it starts looking slimy and kind of a resemblance of an earth worm being fried alive? Nope, can no longer eat it. Haha. Same with sautéed onions, etc. So long as I don't actually see it being cooked, it's all good. It's delicious, yum yum yummy for my tummy, but if I can imagine it being a slug, worm, etc. no way.
It was the same way with things like lobsters and crabs. I found it very macabre to be cracking open a tail or snacking away on a pair of limbs, and if I saw a whole hen or tur-
Still, I can be a little strange with my foods and having a crazy imagination never helped much at all.
I've got a couple of books left. I'm trying to figure out what I want to read next to be quite honest, I'm getting burned out. I'm well over 20 something books in a 20 days period. Craziness. That's what a boring radio-
Alright, well, think I'll close here. Peace =)
September 25, 2006
"Where there is love there is life"
Well, it's 7:55 p.m. and I should be depressed as hell, but oddly enough I'm not.
Today was a beautiful autumn tinged day. I mean, it was perfect in a weather sense. The sky was blue, the sun was shining brightly…when I went outside a little before noon it was so cool. I'd guess high 70's. I felt so…energized…alive as the cool fresh air filled my lungs. My caffeine withdrawal, lethargic feeling was gone. I was like a bolt of lightning with the amount of energy I had.
The guy I played ball outside with ended up smashing me 29 to 1...I played horrible but I could care less. It felt so good to play and run. To feel the first tell tale signs of autumn reaching her arms around me. I love autumn.
When I came in I did some laundry and read a little as I waiting on my shower. I was anticipating the decision of whether mine and the others punishment would be 30 or 90 days and as the day passed I realized it was going to be 90 days. It's messed up, highly unfair that we should be punished for so long, but they have all of the control. It's sad that they (prison officials) can mess with someone's lives so bad…but I know karma will catch up, as it always does.
To add to what I should've been depressed about even more…It's been almost 2 weeks now that I've not heard from my ex-
So, while some bad things happened today, I'm still going to remain focused and positive and try to plow on through the crap.
Guess I'll close here and say peace =)
September 26, 2006
"Life is just a chance to grow a soul"
Well, today was a whole lot of nothing. I spent the day reading a book adaptation of the "X-
The weather has still been fantastic. I wish I could've gone outside today, but I had my recreation inside. I'm 100% sure that I'm doing 90 days on level 2. It kind of had me a little bummed today. I guess, shell shock that one) the officials can get away with this and two) that they know it's unfair and wrong. Like I said, I guess I'll just have to make the best of a bad thing-
Much more to write tomorrow. Peace and good night =)