September 13, 2017
It's a good day. I made it to 40 years. I don't want to gloat because there comes a bit of sadness with it as well. In the back of my head I hear the voices of victims families who say "my loved one didn't get to make it to 40 years of age because you all on death row stole that from us !" and I feel that pain. Sincerely, while I didn't shoot anyone, I do often wonder why I'm still alive. I fully expected to be dead many years ago. I'm trying my best to make my life count for something, though. I falter but I do try to live a giving, kind and compassionate life. I try to live by actions, not just words. I don't know how to atone for my own mistakes any other way.
I'm incredible touched by the friends I love so much and complete strangers that have sent me birthday wishes. Thank you for giving me a smile on this day and the desire to push on. Some days are filled with frustration, hopelessness, anger, sadness and utter despair but it's knowing that people do love and care about me that gives me a push to stay in the fight. Thank you all.
Well, I woke up feeling good. I had a moment where I was like "oh...damn" when I noticed we had the same jerk guard taht worked yesterday working today. I refuse to let him spoil the day, though ! It's a perfect, beautiful day and I even get to go outside and get some sunshine which makes it even better.
I'm also glad to be amongst friends on death row today as well. One of my closest friend, a guy they call "Big Will" is going to cook me up some tacos and I can't wait.
Again, thank you all for the birthday wishes. It means more than you'll ever know !
September 12, 2017
Today I feel blah. It's crazy how one person, in that case a real asshole of a guard working our pod, can ruin the entire day for 40 plus people. This dude is going out of his way to mess with people for no other reason than it appears to give him a tingle in his penis. A real jerk.
I'm trying to get through it and ignore the chaos that he's created, but every time this asshole passes my cell I just get frustrated and angry. What's wrong with some people ? I hope he's not working on my birthday. That would blow. I just need to make it to 4 p.m. and some good music will hopefully settle me down.
September 11, 2017
My weekend was pretty typical, nothing exciting to write about there.
I went outside earlier today and it felt fantastic. I was scheduled for a day room inside but when the officer came back and told me there was an outside opening I jumped at the opportunity. Fall is my favorite season and even though we still have a week and a half till it officially begins, it felt as close to fall as it possibly could in Texas. It brought back a lot of memories of fall in Kentucky for some odd reasons.
I had an interesting conversation about the U.S. jury system with the guy I was outside with. When a person goes on a jury trial it's supposed to be a jury of your "peers" but that is rarely the case. In a case such as mine where there were 6 individuals being tried for the same crime it wouldn't have been out of the realm of possibility that the actual shooters in the crime could've been given a life sentence, while the non-
September 4th, 2017
Labor day and still trapped in the cell. I woke up at about 4:30 a.m. when the guards were passing out our "breakfast": two rock-
The holiday weekend has been so slow. I think being on a quasi lockdown has added to the feeling. Today is 9 days of being trapped in the cell. I was really fortunate to get out Saturday night for a visit but other than that I've just been laying around doing absolutely nothing. Happy holidays I suppose.